i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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