my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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