i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
