Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I could fuck to npr.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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