May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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