This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
