I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
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