Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
