you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize