Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
