I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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