Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
