OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube