I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips