Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.