Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life