Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Who haven't you slept with?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  No one comes to mind.

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  (202): Who haven't you slept with? (703): No one comes to mind. http://tfl.nu/pw54
  Replies (7) Good night (1600) Bad night (723)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job

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  (312): Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job http://tfl.nu/iix6
  Replies (27) Good night (5132) Bad night (708)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  booty call

  (925): View more from California

  i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.

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  (408): booty call (925): i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy. http://tfl.nu/xuna
  Replies (60) Good night (1303) Bad night (6069)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.

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  (573): I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better. http://tfl.nu/vuqb
  Replies (73) Good night (6038) Bad night (941)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding

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  (443): You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding http://tfl.nu/vxqr
  Replies (51) Good night (877) Bad night (7384)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate

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  (832): im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate http://tfl.nu/io2z
  Replies (20) Good night (1424) Bad night (3524)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea

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  (920): Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea http://tfl.nu/0m14
  Replies (3) Good night (2396) Bad night (1192)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.

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  (+44): I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it. http://tfl.nu/jqgn
  Replies (4) Good night (1723) Bad night (1275)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?

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  (914): How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy? http://tfl.nu/qpaa
  Replies (12) Good night (2510) Bad night (902)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.

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  (330): Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving. http://tfl.nu/wsf8
  Replies (2) Good night (980) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic

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  (973): He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic http://tfl.nu/cjxw
  Replies (4) Good night (782) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital

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  (479): I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital http://tfl.nu/kjdp
  Replies (9) Good night (1046) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still

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  (408): i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still http://tfl.nu/f9lt
  Replies (3) Good night (386) Bad night (560)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go

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  (850): We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go http://tfl.nu/28iq
  Replies (4) Good night (494) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I have poison ivy on my dick

  (1-870): View more from Arkansas

  WHAT

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  (870): I have poison ivy on my dick (1-870): WHAT http://tfl.nu/5c6b
  Replies (8) Good night (414) Bad night (913)

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