you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.