i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon