Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Jerry, you need to find god
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
