i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
