also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
