What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
