I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
