He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
