go do what you do best...puke behind churches
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
