hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
