i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
