I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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