I think I died a long time ago.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
