yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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