it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
