i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
