I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
