I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
