I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Green mimosas i think yes
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
