From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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