I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
