did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
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I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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