There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
