it's too hot outside to masturbate.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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