8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
