I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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