Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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