i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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