i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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