My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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