I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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