My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
