i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
