I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Randomize
