he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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