then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
