That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
