I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
