All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
