i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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