I never want to see another naked old woman again.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize