Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Enjoy the penises
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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