We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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