I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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