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• (916): View more from California

  If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?

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• (650): View more from California

  Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.

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  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.

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• (315): View more from New York

  So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.

  (315): View more from New York

  They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?

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  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?

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