she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED