im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you