I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
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