She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I could fuck to npr.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be