Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  we're no longer friends

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  (603): i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube (1-603): we're no longer friends http://tfl.nu/kml0
  Replies (10) Good night (903) Bad night (2750)
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  (909): View more from California

  why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?

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  (909): why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"? http://tfl.nu/si77
  Replies (10) Good night (3834) Bad night (685)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here

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  (515): Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here http://tfl.nu/owjx
  Replies (12) Good night (4579) Bad night (577)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.

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  (201): they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne. http://tfl.nu/0coi
  Replies (22) Good night (4228) Bad night (2222)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign

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  (630): I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign http://tfl.nu/tzlz
  Replies (18) Good night (4849) Bad night (823)
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  (925): View more from California

  I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.

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  (925): I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands. http://tfl.nu/9x0j
  Replies (22) Good night (6546) Bad night (1328)
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  (818): View more from California

  two words...techno handjob

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  (818): two words...techno handjob http://tfl.nu/l83l
  Replies (31) Good night (4613) Bad night (1484)
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  (315): View more from New York

  my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless

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  (315): my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless http://tfl.nu/2wfy
  Replies (8) Good night (3326) Bad night (1262)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.

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  (519): I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes. http://tfl.nu/j2g5
  Replies (21) Good night (4363) Bad night (936)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.

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  (309): Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash. http://tfl.nu/otoe
  Replies (2) Good night (552) Bad night (1384)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.

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  (630): I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager. http://tfl.nu/yzyc
  Replies (6) Good night (1482) Bad night (581)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  So the keyword here is "hammered"?

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  (404): And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right? (1-404): So the keyword here is "hammered"? http://tfl.nu/1kxs
  Replies (1) Good night (1513) Bad night (462)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.

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  (417): Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like. http://tfl.nu/oino
  Replies (1) Good night (1338) Bad night (504)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.

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  (806): I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex. http://tfl.nu/q7ob
  Replies (3) Good night (676) Bad night (382)
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  (714): View more from California

  Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.

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  (714): Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer. http://tfl.nu/wp0z
  Replies (11) Good night (1159) Bad night (394)

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