We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.