I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward