one word: firstdatebathroomanal
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car