I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
