get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Is it penis luge time yet?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
