batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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