do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
