Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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