she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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