I think I am morally bankrupt
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
